What Is He Thinking?!?

Does My Husband Even Care About Romance?

As little girls we often grow up with the notion of meeting, and marrying, our very own ‘Prince Charming’.  He will sweep us off our feet with his romantic gestures, regularly bringing us flowers, and writing us beautiful, butterfly-inducing messages of love.  He’ll organise amazing candlelit dinners where we hold hands, stare into each other’s eyes, and easily enjoy deep and meaningful conversations.

However, for the largest majority of women our men, who showed romantic potential during dating, after the “I do” dwindle in their romantic gestures, and for some, it can even become to feel non-existent.  We start to wonder if men actually have any romantic bones in their body.

Men Like Romance

Would it surprise you to hear that, according to a large study by Shaunti Feldhahn for her book "For Women Only", a massive 84% of male respondents said they “very much or somewhat desired romance in their relationship.”  However, nearly half of these men felt that they didn’t really know what their partners would actually like them to do. So to save face and avoid the humiliation of getting it wrong many men did nothing.

Another interesting finding of that study was the difference between what women and men perceive to be romantic.  For many men the idea of their wife being their playmate was incredibly romantic. This is one of the reasons why dating can feel romantic and enjoyable for men, and in turn see them sweeping us off our feet, since we often spend large amounts of our time together doing fun and new things with each other - everything we do is a new adventure.  However, after marriage this play time can diminish and so with it a man's feelings of romance.

I can certainly see this in my husband.  When we spend time doing something fun or new together or we play fight each other at home, he always makes comments about how much he enjoyed himself and his time with me.  Then he seems to naturally want to be more affectionate and engaging with me.

Points To Ponder

So, there are two points from this study for us wives to consider. Firstly, how can we help our husbands to feel more confident in expressing their love for us in affectionate ways?  And secondly, what are some ways we can help our husbands find more romance in their lives?

Subtle Hints Don't Work

I think the first point requires us to move past our thought process that says if we tell them what we want this somehow makes the act less romantic.  Our men need gentle, but clear tips. No more leaving subtle hints around the place and expecting him to figure out what they mean - especially in the early days.  If we can help him get some good wins under his belt, this will very likely give him more confidence to go out on his own and take some initiative.

So next time a birthday or special date is coming up, why not let him know it would mean a lot to you if he planned somewhere for you to eat and something fun for you to do after, maybe giving him a couple of suggestions.  

Then, because men love words of affirmation, praise him, A LOT!

Become His Playmate

What each husband would define as fun is likely to be different, but when pondering point two a good place to start is with what our husband enjoys to do in his down-time or with friends.  Does he like playing games, getting outside, playing sport, pool or bowling? Is there something in that mix that we could develop an interest in? Or at the very least, have a go at and a bit of fun laughing at ourselves?  

The more we can put time into meeting our husbands needs, the more likely we are to see him flourish in his ability to romance us - a win, win for sure!