What Is He Thinking? – Arguements

What Is He Thinking?!?

- When he gets angry at what I said, but I have no idea why.

ANSWER: It’s likely he feels you were disrespectful.

A significant study by Shaunti Feldhahn shows that, for the largest majority of men, feeling disrespected and inadequate is worse than feeling, or even being, treated in an unloving way.  To be disrespected can even equate to the same thing as not feeling loved for some men.

Cheering Him On

Our men need to feel like we respect them and that they are more than adequate in our eyes.  Just like you appreciate it when your husband actively shows you that he loves you, it is vital that we women choose to practically outwork respect towards our husbands. Essentially, we need to be his biggest cheerleader, both in private and, almost more importantly, in public.

Finding and focusing on things you can affirm in him is important, even if you don’t always agree with some of his choices. Saying you are proud of him and trust him is also key. But showing him your respect in your actions is vital.

In her book For Women Only, Shaunti Feldhahn says that men have a deep need to feel they are respected in their judgement, accomplishments, and abilities.  It is important that our men feel we are respectful in our communication and in our assumptions of them.

Many men struggle to articulate when they are feeling disrespected in the heat of the moment, so it can be very difficult for us women to realise and understand what we have done.  However, according to Dr Emerson Eggerichs (author of the book “The Language of Love & Respect”), for men the most common response to this feeling is anger.

RESPECT - A vital need.

While this emphasis on respect can feel like a matter of male ego and pride or something a man should just get over, for most men this is actually a deep need.  

His usefulness as a person and perceived ability as a husband and father is connected to our respect for him.

For women, feeling unloved and all alone in the world can bring on negative thoughts about themselves and feelings of depression. Likewise, for men, feeling disrespected can make him feel small and insignificant. In contrast, feeling respected can make him feel like Superman.

So next time your hubby jumps down your throat unexpectedly, take a step back and have a look at it through his eyes.  Maybe what you said has actually deeply wounded him, and rather than a strong, aggressive response from you he just needs a gentle, loving apology.