The Purpose of Pain
The Purpose of Pain
3 Truths for Moving Forward in Your Healing.
For all the wonderful things about life; loved ones, adventures, the beauty around us, and great experiences we look forward to, this life is also full of a lot of pain and challenges! It can often feel like we should put on a brave face, take a “Christian Perspective” and speak only about the positives and how good and faithful God is, which he absolutely is! However, the reality is so many of us walk around with a great deal of pain; pain from past hurts, death of loved ones, health issues, the list goes on. But if we don’t face the pain head-on and continue the journey of working through our feelings and responses to it, pain and its unhealthy fruit, can rob us of the life God wants us to live and impact how we relate to those around us.
Pain is Personal
In February of 2019 I came into possession of a type of pain I had never experienced before. Three days after giving birth to our beautiful miracle child, we unexpectedly lost my 9 year old niece to a, still unknown, heart condition. Every painful aspect of that day is etched into my memory in vivid detail. The tragic result and the trauma it caused, having far and deep-reaching effects on many who knew our precious Taya.
“There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more painful than anything that bleeds.”
Pain often results in the need for us to grieve. I have certainly walked through the seasons of shock, denial, and anger at both God and man. Most of the time I now win these battles of the mind. But the hardest thing for me to work through has been my heightened fear and worries about the health and well-being of my family, most significantly my daughter and husband. Of course, I know where they would go if they died, but the fear of having to keep living without them has seemed so overwhelming at times.
At about the two year mark of this grief journey, I realised that these struggles were actually impacting how I interacted with my husband. I was starting to notice a focus on the negative. As I investigated these feelings, I recognised that I was subconsciously pulling myself away from him in an attempt to minimise the extent of my pain should he be taken to heaven soon. While it has taken me longer than I would have liked, God knows the best timing and I recently reached out to a great counsellor. From my time with her, I have come away with three truths that have been so helpful for me. If you are dealing with your own unhealed pain, I hope they are helpful for you too.
Truth 1 – True healing comes with insight, not time.
It is a common saying that “time heals all wounds”, but many people can testify to the fact that while a wound may not be as raw and out in the open years down the track, they still feel far from “healed”. When something bumps against the wound it can hurt just as much as the day it happened. Instead, I propose that it is actually insight and understanding, often gathered over time, that actually helps wounds to heal.
I have certainly experienced this when healing from my divorce. As God revealed to me a greater understanding of my ex-husband, I was able to see him in a new light, and forgiveness and healing started to happen. The death of my niece has been more difficult. It is so hard to find purpose, meaning, and hope in her young life being cut short. However, as I have started to learn more about how God sees our time here on earth and the rewards of heaven, I have found some steps towards healing and greater peace.
In our healing journey, God is gracious with us and often brings opportunities into our path that can help in the process. However, it is also our personal responsibility to seek out our own revelation. Reading books, searching the Bible, devotionals, podcasts, church sermons, and prayer are all great places to look for the much-needed insight we need. As we seek God and His revelation, he will be faithful to meet us wherever we are at.
Relationships are at the very centre of the heart of God, it’s what he is passionate about. Therefore, if it is his focus it also needs to be ours.
Truth 2 – Pain brings about growth
In a culture that screams at us from every angle that life is about being happy, and that we should make changes that will make us happy, even at the expense of others, it is almost unnatural and certainly uncomfortable to remind ourselves that pain is actually good for us. It is in pain and brokenness that God can meet us in ways He can’t when life is going well. It is in pain that we learn about who we are, what our weaknesses are, and the depth of our strengths.
The Bible says “We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.” Romans 5:3-5 NLT
The sentence “For we know how dearly God loves us” is seldom focused on when this verse is read, but I think that it is actually the key to the hope this verse can bring. Because God loves us dearly we know He will work things for our good. We know He will be there in our pain and struggle. We know He will not give us more than we can handle with Him. When we truly understand the depth of His love we can push through the fear of future loss and pain, and focus on the blessings He has already given us and the good He is doing in our lives as He refines us to be more like His Son.
Truth 3 – If we have to go through pain, let’s milk it for all it’s worth.
The reality is that we live in a broken and fallen world, therefore pain and suffering will come to all of us at some point in our lives. Realistically it will come many times. Because of that we can either look at the future with great fear and trepidation, living overly cautious lives, avoiding deep connections with other people for fear of pain. Or, we can make the decision to use the pain and struggles to make us better and to learn more about ourselves, others and our God.
In my search for healing I have been reading a bit about heaven, and God’s purpose for our time here on earth (one of my favourites is “Imagine Heaven” by John Burke). A common theme is a focus on relationships, not our achievements, how we interact with and impact others. Relationships are at the very centre of the heart of God, it’s what he is passionate about. Therefore, if it is his focus it also needs to be ours. Our lives should be lived to positively impact others. So let’s not let pain stop us from close connections we others, instead let it drive us into fully loving the people we have been blessed to have in our worlds, no matter the potential for pain. Then when our time here is done, we will have no real regrets because we know we have loved and lived fully.
Healing is a process, a journey we have to walk through. Sometimes parts of our healing take years to achieve, while others can happen in a moment. I pray that whatever the reason for your healing journey, you will find purpose in your pain and the determination to keep pushing for your healing.
