The Infertile Journey

In August of 2015, 4 months before our wedding, our journey began. In a quest to find out what kind of contraception we should use we started the process of testing. By November that year we received our first letter. The prognosis didn’t look so good and we were being referred to a specialist.  More testing and in July of 2016 our 2nd letter came.  We were told that the likelihood of us ever conceiving a baby naturally was very low.  

I write this blog, two years into our marriage and from the depths of our storm. We don’t have a positive outcome yet. Some days the world looks pretty black, the outlook bleak and the hope I feel is shadowed in doubt. But in this storm I have again seen the immense faithfulness of my Daddy God, and I so often experience a joy and peace that defies understanding. He is taking me on a narrow road, one that is scary at times, but he is teaching me and I’d love to share what I have discovered so far and encourage you in whatever struggle you might be facing.

My years as a Christian have seen their share of valleys, but it has always amazed me that in those valleys there is so much good if I choose to look for it.   How often God has gone before me, in the little and big, and prepared a way.  In this He has provided a source of comfort or joy, fun or blessing.

For me, my marriage to my amazing husband is one of my greatest joys. After the pain of my past, I so often find myself reveling in what an immense blessing he is.  He is a gift from God, who is so well prepared to support me in this challenge we face.  I find his depth of faith in God’s perfect plan inspiring.  

Over our baby journey God has reminded me again and again to enjoy the season I am in and that, despite the struggles, there is actually so much good I can focus on and enjoy. This time that we get together, just the two of us, is a blessing that I should make the most of.    It is common that as singles we spend a lot of time desperately desiring a boyfriend or girlfriend. Then in our engagement season we are waiting and looking forward to marriage.  After that so many couples get married and are pregnant within the year and are quickly thrust into the busyness and tiredness of a life with children. My husband and I get the privilege of focusing on and growing our relationship while putting down a solid foundation and not having to juggle more of life’s pressures.    God has blessed us with amazing friends, a fantastic church to be a part of, two good incomes, our health, great families, purpose and so much more.  

So despite the storm that rages around us, these things are there beckoning me to focus on them and enjoy the good I have been given.   I have found that, especially in times of struggle, there is so much freedom that comes from doing what Philippians 4:8 tells us “... Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise..”

One of the amazing things about our God is that He lets nothing that happens to us go to waste.    He desperately desires to use the journey to teach us more about Himself but also to grow us into people that are increasingly able to sympathise with, and show His love to, those around us, especially those that don’t yet know Him.  “He (God) comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us”  2 Corinthians 1:4 NLT.   From my experience this can certainly be part of the healing process.   When God gives us the opportunity to speak life into someone else's struggle, we can more easily find a purpose in our pain and there is such freedom and joy in that feeling.

From a relationship point of view there is also something very powerful about going through a shared experience, especially one that others aren’t directly a part of. It can help bond you together and, if you let it, make your marriage stronger.   My husband and I have learnt a lot about each other during our baby journey; things like: how we deal with stress, how we think about and process pain and our individual ways of communicating and connecting with God.  Working hard on making sure we communicate gently and frequently with each other has been really important for us.

Like a lot of females, I process while talking out loud and I can also be pretty emotional. Like most men, my husband struggles to express his thoughts well in times of emotion and can feel helpless when I am being so emotional.   So when emotions weren’t running as high, we came up with words and phrases together for my husband to say to me. These mostly revolve around his love for me and commitment to our relationship.  They reassure me and generally help me to calm down quicker.  We have also found our challenge a motivating factor for praying together more and have allocated regular times where we do this.   All of these things have brought us closer together as a couple.

If you have ever watched or read The Shack: Where Tragedy Confronts Eternity by William P Young there is a profound scene where Mack is talking to Papa, expressing his anger at the injustices of life.  I think when you watch this scene it is hard not to feel Mack’s pain.  To some degree we can all relate to how he feels.  We feel life can be hard, confusing and painful!  But, what I love most about the scene is Papa’s response - “The real underlying flaw in your life is that you don’t think that I am good.  I am! And if you knew me and how much I love you, then even when you don’t understand, you could know that I am at work in your life for good.  And then you would trust me.”