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All Locked Up
All Locked Up – Unlocking the Grid on Perpetual Problems Does it sometimes feel like you are in the middle of a type of “Ground Hog Day”? Repeating the same argument over and over. The words, and specifics, may look different, but ultimately you are fighting about the same thing, again and again. So Many Problems! John & Julie Gottman, renowned leaders in relationship research, have found that 69% of a couples arguments are what they call “perpetual problems”. This means that the same type of issues will keep coming up. And to make matters worse, they believe that this type of problem is not truly solvable! They explain that this is…
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Sorry – a not so simple word
Sorry – a not-so-simple word If you are anything like Mike and I then you have probably found yourself in the middle of a fight, or ten, and you aren’t really sure how you got there. All of a sudden one seemingly harmless comment or observation blew up in your face and now you are knee-deep in a big pile of angst, hurt, and aggression. But, now that you are here you have to find a way to wade your way through it, ideally without too much fallout. Here enters one of my husband’s favourite words – Sorry. They say it is one of the hardest words to say. However, in our house, Mike…
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Clearing the Decks
3 Keys to Learning to Fight Fair The process of learning to fight fair is a journey we will be on for the rest of our lives. Whether we like to admit it or not, for most of us this is because of our innately selfish nature. It’s a symptom of The Fall, but thankfully it’s an area we can certainly improve in. Rick Warren describes marriage as “a lifelong course in learning to be unselfish” and I totally agree with him. When I reflect on the arguments I have with my husband they are pretty much always fuelled by the selfish desires of one, or both of us – even…
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Allies or Enemies? Conflict Resolution Tips
Conflict – a word that makes many of us cringe, but an unavoidable experience in any marriage relationship, especially a healthy, thriving one. The goal, however, is achieving healthy conflict rather than unhealthy conflict. Whether your natural response is to be the loud and angry fighting type, the extended silent treatment type, the stick your head in the sand and ignore it but build up resentment type, or a mixture of all three, it is important to figure out what this healthy conflict business actually looks like. I am certainly far from being an expert in this area, and to be honest, conflict resolution is probably the thing my husband…
