Moneytalks
Money Talks
- 4 Foundations for Financial Success
Everybody has heard the old adage, “Money doesn’t grow on trees”. Your parents probably said it to you many times as a child and you likely rolled your eyes in response. But, the older you get, the more you realise how true the statement really is.
It often feels like the more money you earn the more you need, and it can certainly be a difficult process figuring out how to balance providing for your family while not making money an idol in your life. Unfortunately, though, money is a “necessary evil” in today's society, and given the emotions and the pressure money brings, it is unsurprising that money is one of the top three topics that couples fight about.
What’s more, people have very different approaches (or personalities) when dealing with money. Some are spenders, others are savers, and some, like my husband, are avoiders. Some people are very risk-averse, while others like to take the gamble. Who you are married to, and what your style is, will significantly influence the challenges you come up against in your marriage.
However, I believe there are a few key things every couple can do to set themselves up for greater success in this area.
1. Make a Budget
A budget is essentially a map of where you want to go financially. It can (and should) change and evolve as life seasons change, but it gives you clear direction and steps to take to achieve your financial goals. If you choose to go without one, it will be easy to get lost along the way or end up wandering around aimlessly, never really achieving anything.
If you haven’t already, I highly recommend that you spend some time together to set clear financial goals for your future and a budget to achieve them.
When we got married, Mike acquired my extensive budgeting system, so we had a basic template to start with. But working out the details was more of a process.
If you would like to see a mockup of our budgeting spreadsheet, please send me an email and I would be happy to pass it on to you.
2. Figure out how YOU talk about money best
Communicating about money is something we have to do, but doing it well is a skill that often must be learnt. I have heard couples suggest having weekly or monthly ‘State of the Union’ conversations about finances, and they swear by them. However, this does not work in our relationship. Mike hates talking about money! And sitting down at the table to go through a budget and financial plans for the future is akin to pulling out his eyebrow hairs, one by one.
Early on in our relationship, I realised that planning for extended conversations about money was not going to lead to marital harmony. But, through trial and error, I discovered we worked best when I did the initial thinking – working out of the details and putting the spreadsheet together – and then, in small doses, Mike and I would go through and discuss each part.
Every few months or so, or when something changes, I make a conscious effort to bring up the topic when we are both relaxed and happy. Generally picking a time when he has something else to focus on, like driving or doing the dishes, is helpful. It means he can keep his hands busy while I yabba on. And, if he needs some time to think, the silences feel less out of place or frustrating.
People have very different approaches (or personalities) when dealing with money. Some are spenders, others are savers, and some are avoiders. Some people are very risk-averse, while others like to take the gamble.
3. Decide how you will make financial decisions.
While you are figuring out how best to talk about money, it is important to include a conversation about how you will make financial decisions. Are you going to be a couple that makes every financial decision together? Is it important that you discuss all purchases of clothes or shoes or household items first? Or will you just discuss the bigger spends? And what counts as a big spend to you?
Given my love of administration tasks, it was a natural choice for our household that I handle the general ‘ins’ and ‘outs’. We have agreed how much we will spend per week on social outings, groceries and how much we will allocate for each person to spend how they want.
For anything outside of our normal budgeted amounts we have made the decision to discuss this first and, if necessary, work to find a place of agreement. However, I have made a conscious choice to let Mike have the final say when it comes to the bigger areas. While we haven’t had an instance yet where I completely disagree with his choice on how to spend our money. Making this decision ahead of time helps me to approach our discussions with an open mind. I trust my husband and his leading from God, so if he feels strongly that his position is right then I will choose to go with it.
4. Give your first portion
Mike and I believe in the concept of tithing. We see it as a way of saying “thank you” to our generous Daddy God for the blessings he has given us: financial and otherwise. We believe everything we have is from God, and this means giving him the first portion back is something we want to do.
However, there are different thoughts and variations on tithing within Christian circles, so it is really important that you don’t assume to be on the same page. Instead, take time to discuss where you are both at and how your family will move forward.
The Bible says “Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.” (2 Corinthians 9:7) Therefore, as a couple you need to agree how much you are willing to “tithe,” and where you will give this money too.
For Mike and I tithing is now a normal way of life, and one of our ongoing financial goals is to equip ourselves to lead a generous life. Therefore, we have also discussed our thoughts and feelings around offerings and blessings, over and above our regular tithes. We have agreed to set aside an amount each week which is available should either one of us want to buy someone lunch or coffee, give an extra offering in church, meet a need that we have been made aware of. Having the money allocated gives us the freedom to be generous and spontaneous without causing tension in our relationship.
So where are you at in these four foundational steps? Do they need some more work? Is a good review required or just a couple of small tweaks? Either way, I encourage you to set some time aside over the next few weeks to sit down and make sure your finances are working for you as a couple. I can assure you, your relationship will absolutely benefit from it.
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